It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel pretty fine ackshully

A black man in the White House; it is a nightmare scenario for many of the US's right-wing evangelical "Christians". The coverage on both sides of the pond of this presidential race has been unprecedented. This has meant that us lily-livered, European, pinko, liberals have been exposed to extreme views coming from both the Republican and Democratic sides of the great political divide. But is it just me, or are the views on one side just a little bit more extreme than the most extreme views on the other side?

From insidious comments about the "Arab" Obama and the "un-American" nature of his name to downright bigoted and racial slurs, it has been terrifying to watch the citizens of the US give voice to their most deep-seated fears and prejudices.

Let me give you a few simple examples...

• "I'm not voting for Obama, he's black" - Charles, Pennsylvania
• “It’s important to scrutinize Obama’s Muslim background to determine if his Islamic past influences his decisions and actions toward America, including his decision to select an anti-American pastor as his spiritual adviser.” - National black Republican Association
• “He’s a Muslim socialist.” - Marcia Stirman, chairman of Otero County Republican Women in New Mexico
• "I like McCain because I can say his name, so I'll probably vote for McCain. [Obama ]He's from Africa or something. I don't even know where he's from". Waitress, Pennsylvania
• “President Hussein” - Ann Coulter, American Political Commentator

You get the picture! And The examples are practically endless.

Now, although Obama may be ten or so points ahead in the polls I would like to remind you of a few things. Firstly, the examples given above are not isolated. Even if such views are not publicly expressed, they may be privately felt. This may have a dramatic effect on polling day.

Secondly, disenfranchisement of voters has gone on for decades in the US: from deletion of people form electoral registers through to the use of faulty voting machines, both of which disproportionately affect people from poorer socio-economic classes; in other words, democratic voters.

Finally, do not forget that this nation has only returned two democratic presidents since Lyndon B. Johnson, and never forget that this nation saw fit to vote George W. Bush in for a second term with an even larger majority than his first run for the office. Until all votes are in, count no chickens, and be afraid!

To end on an even more gloomy note, I leave you with some infamous words on the democratic process - it's not the votes that count, it's who counts them (often attributed to Joseph Stalin). Let's hope the right man wins.

Not enough zeros in the world

So it seems the "clock" that keeps track of the US's national debt has finally run out of digits; I think that pretty much sums up how fubar this whole thing is.

On the upside, there may be a slim chance that the accounts that the US and UK governments are pilfering money from may be based on the same shoddy programming used to design the debt clock and thereby have also run out of digits, thus capping the amount of money they (and by they, I mean WE) have to claw back. Here's to hoping!

Does abstinence make the heart grow fonder?

...and what do you think the chances of Sarah Palin understanding irony are?

Republicans' Fiendish plan? Democrats' hidden agenda?

Now there's been a lot of discussion about presidential running mates over the last few days, from Obama's blue-collar Joe Biden to McCain's maverick Sarah Palin. While much attention has been given over to things like their personal history and voting records, no one has spotted the coded messages buried in the naming of these running mates!

The Republican McCain-Palin combo, with a little transformation, suddenly becomes the foreboding "I c manic plan!". What devious Republican plot could this be referring too? There are just so many to choose from. Of course there's also "I limp can can" which we feel maybe a coded reference to John McCain's advancing years, but our team is still working on that one.

On the Democrat side, the Obama-Biden team ackowledges the problems Barack Hussein Obama (thank you Fox News for continuously reminding us) has suffered because of his name. Obama-Biden reveals itself as "Bad name, Obi", managing to include reference to Obama's early-years teacher and advisor Obi Wan Kenobi. Worryingly there are additional codes that we have yet to fully comprehend, including "A bad omen, Bi" and "an idea Bomb", which could refer to potential smear campaigns being developed to thwart the Republican onslaught.

Many of the team at Spy Wednesday feel that only rigorous unfounded speculation will reveal their true meaning.

We come in peace. Shoot to kill.

Ah, once again we hear the sweet, dulcet, reasoned tones of the Democratic Unionist Party (Remind me, what's democratic about their views again?). Recently we've had the lovely Iris Robinson spreading her venomous bile concerning the possibility of "saving" anyone who's gay in Northern Ireland.

I thought it would be difficult to top this, both in terms of sheer bigotry and downright stupidity. However, Mr. Ian Paisley Jr. has swept aside my doubts with ease.

Ian, in his wisdom, has decided to call for a shoot-to-kill policy against dissident republicans. It's really difficult to know where to start with this one.

First, if you're going to call for a policy or legislation of any kind, you cannot apply it to one half of a community and not the other. That is sectarian bigotry at its purist.

Second, anyone with an iota of knowledge of the history of Northern Ireland would understand that a shoot-to-kill policy has never worked there (even if SAS and security forces in the North always denied the existence of such a policy).

Thankfully, there are still some level heads in the political arena in the North. While the SDLP labelled Paisley's rhetoric as "dangerous nonsense", Sinn Fein managed to hit Junior where it hurts...his knowledge of A-Level history, claiming that Junior "hasn't learned anything from the history of the last 40 years".

The sooner people realise that religious or any fundamentalist attitudes get us nowhere in Northern Ireland, the sooner we can be rid of these well-funded mentalists. *

God doesn't drive a hybrid?

I was sure that it was standard economic pressures that were behind the recent drop in oil prices. Following the massive surge in the price per barrel over the last few months, it became prohibitive for companies and consumers to purchase oil, resulting in lower demand, which in turn lowered the market price. I really thought that might explain it. I was fool. I was more than a fool; I was wrong.

In fact, we have the good folk belonging to the "Pray at the Pump" campaign to thank. Apparently they've been praying hard around fuel pumps in the Washington DC area since April for God to reduce the punitive $4 a gallon price for gas. Many sceptics felt that God would not take a hit on the price per gallon, given that he invested heavily in the petrochemicals when he buried all that organic material deep in the Earth to be later found and put to good use by the human race and the major players in the petrochemical industry.

However the heartfelt murblings of the pray-at-the-pump campaigners found a kindly ear upstairs resulting in a massive 20 cent drop in the price per gallon. Praise be! Thank the Lord!! Get the Vatican on the phone!!!

Although I do wonder why it took four months for their prayers to take effect...

They all look like tiny ants from up here!

Some people manage to make you feel proud to be a member of the human race. Others, well, are the kind of people who would be banned from the gene pool for pushing (thank you Terry Pratchett for that one).

Earlier this week two women on a flight from Kos to Manchester decided half-way through the flight would be a good time to try to open a cabin door to get a bit of fresh air. The fact that they were about 10 kilometres in the air, and could see the alps below them, did not diminish their determination for fresh air.

But let's not prejudge these women in their mid 20s who were on a flight from Kos to Manchester. Were they drunk? Well, yes. Apparently they had been drinking heavily. But they were happy, pleasant drunks right? Well, not exactly. It seems they became highly abusive, made excellent use of colourful language, brandished a vodka bottle at staff when they were refused more drink and eventually had to be restrained in their seats by security staff.

Of course the plane had to be diverted and make an emergency landing in Germany. The two women were arrested on arrival at Frankfurt airport.

Does anyone else think the cabin crew should just have let them open the damn door?